All This Time

I remember the moment
I remember the pain
I was only a girl
But I grew up that day
Tears were falling
I know You saw me

Hiding there in my bedroom
So alone
I was doing my best
Trying to be strong
No one to turn to
That's when I met You

All this time
From the first tear cry
To today's sunrise
And every single moment between
You were there
You were always there
It was You and I
You've been walking with me all this time

Ever since that day
it's been clear to me
That no matter what comes
You will never leave
I know You're for me
And You're restoring

Every heartache and failure
Every broken dream
You're the God who sees
The God who rescued me
This is my story
This is my story

I hear these people asking me
How do I know what I believe?
Well I'm not the same me
And I saw the proof I need
I felt Love I felt Your grace
You stole my heart that day
~ Britt Nicole~

The first time I heard this song was last week.  I remember it clearly... I was driving home from my parents' and I was alone in the car.  The radio was "just on" and when this song started I tuned in immediately...

... and tears started to fall.  Streaming down my cheeks, I could look back and say with everything in me that God has always been here for me. 

I'm not sure what day God stole my heart back, or if He did... I think I had to give it back to Him and I have. 

The first verse of Britt's song "I remember the moment - I remember the pain - I was only a girl But I grew up that day - Tears were falling - I know You saw me" brought me right back to one summer day in 1993.  The day I decided that God had the power to save me and chose not to... that I wasn't worth saving... that I deserved everything I got... that I didn't matter...

And unlike Britt who "Hiding there in my bedroom  - So alone - I was doing my best - Trying to be strong- No one to turn to - That's when I met You, " I already knew God and I knew His power... yes, I was hiding in my bedroom, doing my best to be strong... but that day I allowed myself to doubt God's love for me. 

Years later (19 this July, to be exact) and it is crazy how quickly I can be that unsure, unloved, scared little girl who lost so much in such a short amount of time.  How thankful I am now that I can rebuke Satan and those feelings and thoughts and turn to my Master!  My Maker!  My Lord!  I can get down on my knees and claim the love that God allowed His one and only Son to die so that I might live!  Praise His Holy Name!!!

Today I claim grace, knowing I am unworthy of it.  Knowing we all are. 

Today I claim forgiveness, knowing I am forgiven as far as the East is from the West!

Today I claim Jesus! 

I cannot go back and be a little girl again.  I can't erase the sins I have committed.  I can look to the cross and know I am forgiven and my Savior lives in me.

Feelings lie.  Feelings can be so wrong.  Feelings change... especially mine!  I can't depend on how I feel to have victory over Satan.  I claim Truth; knowing that the Great I AM is the same today as he was yesterday and will be tomorrow.