Mother's Day as a Step-Mom

For the first two years of my marriage, I dreaded Mother's Day.  It was a reminder that whatever I was providing meant nothing when it came to where my children spent the day set aside for celebrating their moms.  I was set aside and the pain was incredibly intense as I spent the day without any of my children with me.

While pregnant, I celebrated a mother's day and could not help but think, "Next year will be different.  I WILL have someone with me to celebrate this day."

And I did and it was.

For those of you who have walked this journey of step-parenting, you already know that the pain in my heart did not cease to exist because I gave birth and had a child with me on mother's day.  I was still missing three of my children, whom I loved so much.  I learned that lesson myself, some lessons are learned best that way, aren't they?

So goes every mother's day for 12 years.  Half of my children are apart from me on the day I so want their love and recognition for who I am in their lives.

I can now see how selfish this line of thinking is.  My children love me.  I know this now.  Perhaps having half of them grown and out on their own has helped me see that love is not reserved for a specific day.  It just is.
This year, 13 years later, I will celebrate mother's day knowing all six of my children love me.  Wherever they are, some celebrating with their mothers or grandmothers, I know they love me.  I do not need them in front of me to have assurance of our relationship anymore.

This year, I celebrate my four children whom I did not birth.  They have stood by my side and watched me screw up horribly as a parent.  If there is a check list for what NOT to do, they experienced me doing it and the pain my mistakes caused.  While I have apologized face-to-face for my mistakes and yes, I would do things differently if I could, I can't and knowing that means moving on and being the kind of parent I want to be today.

I love my children.  I love all six of my children.  I have a different and unique relationship with each one.  My interactions with them all vary to the person they are and our personal relationship.  There are different bonds between us but they are bonds regardless of their variety.

I became a moma in 2002.  I am blessed beyond all measure for the six children I have.  They all call me different names (some not always nice, I know) but they are mine and I love them.

This mother's day, I celebrate ALL women who love and care for our youth.  This journey is pain-filled and people are hurtful and cruel with their thoughtless words; I am so sorry.  I, too, have been on the receiving end of them and it sucks.  You are loved.  You are important.  You are valued.  Never forget that.

#nottheevilstepmom #nothankstoDisney

When Things Go Wrong - Don't Quit

 

 

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

 

 

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

 

 

 

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

 

 

 

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

 

Author unknown

How Do You Prepare for Good-bye?

This question has been on my heart for the last several weeks: "How do you prepare for goodbye?"  You see, my girl is getting ready to leave again and honestly, my heart just hurts.  Even now, tears sting my eyes.  Painfully sting.

Last year we knew it would be hard, but we had no idea but we were in for when she moved so far away.  This year, we know.

Last year, I wrote her a letter that I re-read and if I wasn't crying hard before, I sure am now!

We know that it just flat-out hurts.

 

We know that you matter how great technology is, it does not replace our face-to-face talks; hugs; holding hands moments; kisses goodnight.

 

Texts are short.  Things get missed and we think we have told each other something only to find out later that we hadn't.  

We just didn't do a great job of truly staying connected and the thought of another year like that just about breaks this momas's heart!

 

The only thing I have found to help me prepare for her leaving is reading scripture and praying.  Believe me, I'm grateful I have those things and the faith that God will continue to change us more and more into His image.

 

For you see, she's not a little girl anymore.  When we left her in Kansas last fall, she was scared, unsure, and homesick.  

 

When she came home, she was confident, more mature and had experienced a heartbreak that broke my heart, too.  She got a job that none of us would willingly want and she stuck with it; showing how much she has grown up!  Being a field hand is a thankless job.

 

My 48 hours with her in Oregon before I left for Peru was definitely a gift from God.  While I was gone, she stepped right in to her "little mama" role.  Her younger siblings love having her home.  

 

We all do.

She brings something to the table, that is desperately needed in our family. And we miss her sorely when she's gone.  

She's peaceful.  She's comforting.  She doesn't rock the boat; she calms the waters.  She helps balance our family.

 

In less than a week, she will board a plane and we will hug and cry and kiss and hug some more.  I know that we will both be big girls.  I know that we have learned from our mistakes.  

I'm trusting God to be the bridge between our hearts and span the miles between us.  

God speed.

Most Read Posts of 2012

Here they are, 2012's three posts that were most read:


# 3. Giving Stinks

# 2. My letter to my Dear Daughter as she started a new chapter in her life.

and the most read blog post from 2012 was:
Conversations in the Tub!

Thanks for making it a great year.  I know 2013 is going to ROCK!!!

2013 Family Resolution Video!

Here is a video I put together with all of our resolutions.  It's a total of 4 minutes and in my humble opinion, totally worth it.  You can see what the kids say, too. 

New Chapter

I left a part of me in Kansas.  I can't wait until I can wrap my arms around her sweet frame again.  Until then, there is technology and I've added that to my grateful list!  Texts, calls, skype, fb, etc to keep us close.

We were all smiles the first day as we moved her in.  Smiles and tears mingle together.

Sisters enjoy working together

Some last minute gifts for her new home

All set up and feeling good

 Very nice room and room mate!

Walk to leave...

Little sister sobbing and snotting all over big sis.

Papi sharing his heart after our family prayer.



I can only say, "I love you and am so proud of you.  I love you so much."

We drove away.  I sobbed.  Little Sis sobbed.  Papi patted my hand with tears in his eyes.  Now we have traveled two days since this good-bye.  The tears are still fresh and will spill over at any time.  Throat constricts and it feels like I suddenly can't breathe.  I stop.  Pray.  Remind myself that she is His first.  He loves her more.  She is His.  I trust Him.

The tears don't go away, though.  Peace settles in and the tears flow and I just allow myself to be. 

Kansas

I thought I might blog while traveling but didn't want to keep saying the same thing, "I'm going to miss her so much."

We've had a wonderful trip East.  Celebrated her 18th birthday at Elitch Garden, a six flag park, in Denver.  Staying at Cherry Creek State Park was a gift from above. 

I am so blessed with my family; both my daddy & moma's side.  Since Tuesday evening, we have shared time and created memories with family in Colorado and Kansas. 

Yes, each day I think, "it's almost time."  I woke this morning and the first thing I thought was, "Lord, keep her safe." 

I know she'll do great!  She is created to serve and she is going to college where God wants her so I cling to His will; knowing she is in it.  I know all the things I would tell someone else if they were in my place:

"She has a good head on her shoulders."
"You have trained her in the ways of the Lord and it's her time to fly."

The list goes on.  What these things don't do is take away the pain and void that I have.  This is the little girl who at 8 years old came to be mine.  I don't know married life without her.  She has been a fixture in my life; my heart for the past 10 years and honestly, I really don't like change.

Yes, we will all be fine.  No, things will never be the same.  It's okay.  I pray it will be better! 

As we move her in to her new home, I will pray without ceasing.  She's so excited! 

Pictures another time. 

In Him, Joy

Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter,

As you leave home for the first time and go off to college, there are so many things I want to tell you!  I had no idea that ten years ago my life would be turned upside down by a darling little 8 year old girl.

Oh, I knew my life would be different, I just didn't know how different. 

Ten years later, I am grief stricken and torn apart at the thought of dropping you off 1,290 miles from home.  It's strange to be so proud of you and so filled with peace that you are following God's will for your life and be so sad at the thought of you not being here. 

It's so hard to share things with you right now without bawling my eyes out so here I sit.

Did I ever tell you the real things of value in my life have been my family?  Friends have honestly come and gone; as have boyfriends, trips, jobs, memorabilia... but my family have remained.  You, darling, are my family.  Meeting and marrying your daddy has blessed my life in so many ways!  You and your brother and sister are three of those ways, 

There are probably many keys to happiness.  One that's worked for me is reading.  I love reading and have been to so many places and experienced so many things through books.  The peace and rest that comes from reading has brought be so much happiness. 

While I do not have a college degree, I have never stopped learning.  I have found education valuable because it opens up doors that remain closed to some.  For example, to teach English in China, one needs a college degree.  Until I get a degree, that specific door will remain closed to me.  I desire for you to have every door available that you might want to walk through and not be told, "no" due to a lack of a degree.  High School graduation is just the beginning!

Beyond book learning, there is life learning.  The importance of my faith has been my life-line!  When all else fell away and my life was spinning out of control, my faith and the foundation my parents laid did not let go.  I pray that your faith becomes just that - yours.  I pray that the foundation Daddy and I have laid will hold and you will be able to stand and grow in Jesus.

Do you know what I've looked for when seeking a "spiritual advisor" or guide?  First off, their faith.  Do they have what I want?  When I look at them, do I see a person I want to be when I am... an adult... a wife... a moma... a nana... a teacher... a friend... a quilter... a runner... an athlete... a cook; you get my drift.  I listen to how they speak of Jesus.  Is He their Guide?  You know who my "prayer warriors" are and you get an idea of what I look for when seeking advise, guidance, discernment. 

Have I told you that I have started a new grateful practice?  To express and experience a place of gratefulness, I started a list. 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp was my inspiration and motivator in starting this practice and I can tell you, honey, when you do it, it works!  I linked to her blog and if you are led, it is a good one to bookmark and look up daily when you need a dose of joy.

Let's talk about friends.  Oh, how I have struggled with female friendships.  Maintaining lasting friendships requires Jesus to be the center.  I have found that is the only way years can pass and we can still be friends.  I've found the way to make a good friend is to be a good friend!  It sounds cliche, I know, but it's true.  Most of the time, you get out what you put in... this is true in your relationships; as well.  I've learned to avoid people who make me feel bad about myself.  If I leave a conversation and I feel worthless, that is someone I should avoid.  Especially, if it happens with each interaction.  When my pulse quickens with anxiousness and fear, that is not healthy.  When I can't avoid these people, I make sure my armour of God is solidly in place and that I am "prayed up!" 

A good rule for getting along well with others, is to be compassionate and loving.  No matter what, Jesus loves them as much as He loves you and me.  When we remember that, it is much easier to get along with people.

Dating.  One thing I can say about dating is, you should only date someone you would marry.  If you can't see spending the rest of your life with that boy, then what on earth are you doing dating him?!!?  Just be friends, for crying out loud and go out with a group of friends.  It is so much more fun to do it that way, anyway.  If you do find yourself in a relationship that you know you shouldn't be in, end it sooner than later.  It will not become easier.  It will hurt you both more in the long run the more time passes.  Make the break short and clean.  You will not be friends so don't say that.  Friendship with that person may happen in the future but for the immediate time, it won't work.  One of you, if not both, will still have romantic feelings for the other.  Yes, sometimes you may need to break it off with someone you love.  It's awfully painful but you will survive.  I know because I am sharing this with you! 

Stay healthy, hon.  It's hard with all that carb loaded cafeteria food, but it's worth it!  Get out there and do your sprints!  You don't need a track to run!  Sprinting between power poles works great!  Yes, there are power poles where you are headed in middle of nowhere, Kansas.  Sprint one - recover one or sprint two, recover one... get out there and run!  I have found I feel so much better in every way when I eat healthy and take care of myself.  You know this, too.  Now, you have to decide if you are going to do it yourself since I'm not there doing it for you.  It's worth it!

Have fun.  You are going to live on campus and share your room with another.  I pray you two become fast friends.  I have seen so many people make their life-long friends in college. 

If you are ever unsure which way you should turn, 1) Wait.  Don't rush in to anything.  2) Pray.  Spend time with Jesus.  Spend time in the Word.  3) Ask your prayer warriors to pray for you.  4) Ask God to make it clear by opening or shutting doors.  5) Don't go prying windows open when God has shut the door.  If you are wanting something and it seems God and you aren't on the same page, go back to #1 and wait.  I hope you have seen Daddy and I live this out for you.

Lastly, call home.  We are all going to miss you something fierce!!!  Keep time for us.  Skype is wonderful.  Texting is okay but you know what, I need to hear your voice.  Remember you are loved by so many people and we are all praying for you! 

"Only carefully obey the command and instruction that Moses the LORD’s servant gave you: to love the LORD your God, walk in all His ways, keep His commands, remain faithful to Him, and serve Him with all your heart and all your soul.”  Joshua 22:5

I love you, my beauty.  Come home.
Moma

Friends

If I was asked who my first friend ever was, I would have to say Robyn.  She was my first long-term friend BY CHOICE.  Meaning, we weren't friends because our parents were friends or we went to the same class or school or church but we were friends because we WANTED to be friends.  I'm not saying the other kinds of friends aren't as important or lasting but for me, Robyn is the one I think of when asked my first friend. 

We were such unusual choices for each other.  I am three years younger (despite our hair color), she moved away when I was 8 years old and our families were total opposite!  But God knew.  He knew we needed each other and would be able to fall back to each other 30 + years later!!!

My best-est moved to Metlakatla, Alaska when I was 8 years old.  It's such a remote place that at the time it was a true island and you had to take the ferry or fly in.  Now, I believe there is one road/bridge connecting it to the mainland.  That's neither here nor there... she moved a long long ways away and even our letters (YES, SNAIL MAIL!!!) took forever to reach each other.  She has since moved "towards civilization" while remaining in Alaska...thanks to phones, e-mail and God, we have remained fast friends. 

We were such good friends that whenever she came "home" to see her grandparents, we always met up.  I always cried when she left.  There was just a void.  Can I just say, it feels the same today.  I am teary just thinking about her leaving today.

We got some extra time with her kiddos on Friday and made use of the pool and our cool basement as these poor Alaska folks are melting in our 90 degree temps!

Our boys hit it right off and already, they are asking for their new buddy.

What a great group of kids!  This is a combo group of hers, mine and her brother's daughter in the picture.  Who cares, we're all family.

My boys joined right in on their family photo.  I used to do the same when I was their age and feel such a part of this family. 

The kids just played well together and got along:

The little ones, mine is 5 and hers is 6, held hands and went round and round in circles!

12 years ago I went and saw her in AK and 11 years ago I joined crashed their family reunion in Montana.  3 years ago we introduced our children and after this time together, we can't wait to see each other again. 

Perhaps a trip to Alaska is in order?

Praises

I'm singing praises to Jesus today! 

~ Found the perfect dress to wear to our sons' wedding; which is coming up fast. (on sale)
~ Found the perfect shoes to go with it... on sale.
~ Got my first pair of Dansko shoes... on sale.
~ New pair of black capris that can be rolled up to bermuda short length... on sale.
~ Finally found a pair of Keen winter boots that I can afford... on sale!

~ Was able to get sons 8th birthday present locally... on sale.
~ Thinking of Mexico trip and getting more excited by the day... (leaving after sons wedding.)
~ Thankful for 10 years of wedded life on the 12th.
~ Thankful for creative boys who may need a trip to the ER before the summer is over but at least they are outside playing like boys should!
~ Thankful for oldest daughter's last summer home before college and treasuring each moment we have together.
~ Loving the weight loss I have achieved.
~ Excited to try clothes on again.
~ Will keep being thankful for each day and working on an attitude of gratitude.

~ Enjoying looking at recent major event pictures!

~ Thankful that getting a hope chest for graduation causes this much pleasure in this day and age:

 ~ Thankful that I have a daughter whom I will miss terribly when she leaves for college:

~ Thankful I have four years left with this daughter; who is entering high school this fall:

Should I tell you that I had a total melt down the night of Baccaulareate?  Let's just say, I do NOT cry pretty.  It was ugly and bad.  My moma came and found me and had to tell me to pull myself together.  Then graduate daughter came and held me and said into my ear that she was a big girl now... I told her I would try to be.  I'll stop there cause the tears have already sprug to my eyes. 

Verses in the Night

I had a terrible dream.  A nightmare.  Words can't describe the feeling I woke with.  I awoke sobbing.  Gasping and snotting all over.  I could hardly breathe.

Quickly, within 10 minutes, peace followed prayer.  I begged God for scriptures I can cling to.  Emphasis is mine alone.  

Psalms 5:11 But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones.  They will be protected forever, but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off.  Psalms 37:28

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.  Psalms 32:7

Zechariah 2:5 And I myself will be a wall of fire around it,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will be its glory within.’

by Joggie van Staden

John 17
After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed:

“Father, the time has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. ² For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. ³ Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. ⁴ I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do. ⁵ And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.

Jesus Prays for His Disciples

⁶ “I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. ⁷ Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you. ⁸ For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me. ⁹ I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. ¹⁰ All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. ¹¹ I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me—so that they may be one as we are one. ¹² While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.
¹³ “I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. ¹⁴ I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. ¹⁵ My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. ¹⁶ They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. ¹⁷ Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. ¹⁸ As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. ¹⁹ For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

Jesus Prays for All Believers

²⁰ “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, ²¹ that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. ²² I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: ²³ I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
²⁴ “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.
²⁵ “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. ²⁶ I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Proverbs 2:8 says, "for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones."

Lord, I claim Your protection over my sons.  I will not allow Satan a foothold through fear.  Keep them safe, Jesus.  These two young men love You so much.  They love serving you -they are faithful!  Please be the wall of fire around them and protect them from the evil one.  Do not let them be tempted to search out adventure in dangerous ways.  May they be obedient, Lord.  I claim You as my hiding place and I will trust in You.  I will not be afraid.  Thank you for sending your Holy Spirit to fill us and be with us - right  here, right now.  I lift my eyes toward the mountains. Where will my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.  He will not allow your foot to slip; our Protector will not slumber.  Indeed, the Protector of Israel does not slumber or sleep.  The Lord protects you; the Lord is a shelter right by your side.  The sun will not strike you by day or the moon by night.  The Lord will protect you from all harm; He will protect your life.  The Lord will protect your coming and going both now and forever. I claim and cling to You, Jesus.  If it is Your will, Lord, may I never drink from this cup of brokenness.  (Psalms 121) 

Sunsets & Spring Blossoms!

The other evening my darling 14 year old daughter ran inside and grabbed my camera.  She said I just had to see this:

 And this:

 And look at it through our trees, Moma!

 I showed her how to use the "flower" setting and she came back in with this:

 And our apple blossoms:

 And a nice picture of Fierce Lady and Omelet!

She was so excited.  She couldn't wait to show me the gorgeous creation that she had captured on camera.  She couldn't wait to share it with me.  As I moved the pictures from the camera to my laptop yesterday, I was doubly blessed and now triple blessed as I see them again here.  I hope they brighten your day; as well.

Growing Up

Here is my 17 year old gorgeous daughter, opening a letter from her 1st choice college:


Reading aloud to us:

With much excitement and help from her brothers:

The more she read, the more excited she got:

Until her joy just erupted into this!!!!!

"I'm IN! YAY!!!!!" 

And then, one look at me and her happiness became tears of joy: 

I'm not sure what my tears are of.  Maybe just tears.  Because, honestly, she's been a part of me as long as my husband has and my stomach literally hurts just thinking of her leaving. 

For now, I'll support, love and encourage her and pray someone is here to help put me back together next fall when she is very very very far away from home.

Man, I'm going to miss my baby girl.