Expressing Love

Valentine's Day is dreaded by many people for different reasons. One of those reasons is it serves as a reminder that they do not a human professing romantic (eros) love. For some, February 14th is "National Singles Awareness Day." Some joke about it, some cry about, but the fact remains - our culture has made romantic expressions of love a priority, when in reality, it is just the surface!

Another reason is they feel it has become commercialized and the people benefiting the most are in the flower, card, chocolate, and jewelry businesses. They see Valentine's Day as an "industry."

A third reason has been raised - we should express love 365 days a year and not just one. That expressing love should always be our goal and by setting one day aside we excuse lazy expressions of love for 364 days.

WHAT IF.... We changed the way we view love?

There is more to love than eros! We have phileo, (friendship) love, as well as agape (commitment) love.

Of the three Greek words for love and their meanings, eros is the more selfish love ("I want you") compared to phileo ("I like you") and agape ("I love you unconditionally). There is nothing wrong with wanting (or having) all three but at the end of the day, I want to know my friends, including my husband, are committed to me and love me unconditionally; and that is what I want my friends, including my husband, to know. I will work on having and expressing that kind of love.

WHAT IF... We changed the way we expressed love?

Here are some ways we can express love deeper than eros.

Phileo - mutual love:

• Spend time with people you love versus seeking their attention.
• Give them companionship versus pleasure.
• Instead of "wooing" them, work at improving areas of communication.
• Show them you want to walk side-by-side; not wanting them by your side (mental shift of how you view them).  

Agape - unselfish love:

• In addition to giving them time, give them your trust.
• In addition to giving them companionship, give them yourself.
• In addition to working at improving communication, see their worth, independent of anything they do (or don't do).
• While being side-by-side, be on their side. 

Change begins with us, as individuals! Let's show phileo and agape love to those around us. We can make Valentine's Day more than a day for lovers. We can make it about showing the love of Jesus to those around us, family, friend, acquaintance, and stranger.

Jesus loves us with agape love. Take a moment and soak these lyrics in, "O, the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus," written by Samuel Trevor Franics, arranged by Tom Fettke:

For my single family and friends, if this day reminds you of something/someone you don't have but want, I am sorry! My prayer is you are shown love by others in abundant ways that remind you of our Father's love. I pray people express their love to you in powerful ways that leave you cherishing those relationships. I love you.

For my family and friends in romantic relationships, I pray you are challenged to look beyond flowers, cards, chocolate, and jewelry and give the ones you love your time and trust. Find some chore you have put off and do it because it means something to your loved one. Tell them how much they mean to you and affirm their gifts. Remember, "love unexpressed is love unknown."

For my family and friends who mourn the loss of their lover, I grieve with you. Many widows and widowers impact my life and my marriage from your life experiences of love. Thank you. I love you.

#ValentinesDay #NationalSinglesAwarenessDay #Agape #Phileo #Eros

Christmas 2016

I had a wonderful Christmas season.  Our children got us some amazing gifts that I admit make me a super proud moma.  For starters, they know we enjoy having date nights at home so several of them got us gift bags to help us enjoy our home date nights!  From movies to snacks, we are set for several home date nights.  LOVE IT!

Another favorite gift we received was from T & N, who live in Portland.  They surprised us with a Portland getaway to come see them!  We cannot wait to redeem this gift and the opportunity to spend time together with them in their stomping grounds.

Through the years we have changed our gift giving from when we started our family and were overspending on needless gifts so our kids would just have more things to open to gifts that mean something.  We have done several different challenges through the years and while we did name an official challenge this year, I am content with how our gift giving turned out.  Here's a sampling:

Most of the kids got books, either to complete a series or starting a new one.  One daughter got silverware since she is getting married this year; the other daughter got a new pair of boots that should help her out with her student teaching this semester.  The little boys got fleece blankets in their favorite sport team's fabric and sport bags to store their stinky sports stuff in.  HA!

I am also super excited that I got special quilt square rulers and a 2011 NIV Bible!

Anyway, I have posted through the years about gift giving and thought I should keep the tradition going.

Merry Christmas 2016!

#giftgiving #Christmas2016 #frugality #FPU

Mother's Day as a Step-Mom

For the first two years of my marriage, I dreaded Mother's Day.  It was a reminder that whatever I was providing meant nothing when it came to where my children spent the day set aside for celebrating their moms.  I was set aside and the pain was incredibly intense as I spent the day without any of my children with me.

While pregnant, I celebrated a mother's day and could not help but think, "Next year will be different.  I WILL have someone with me to celebrate this day."

And I did and it was.

For those of you who have walked this journey of step-parenting, you already know that the pain in my heart did not cease to exist because I gave birth and had a child with me on mother's day.  I was still missing three of my children, whom I loved so much.  I learned that lesson myself, some lessons are learned best that way, aren't they?

So goes every mother's day for 12 years.  Half of my children are apart from me on the day I so want their love and recognition for who I am in their lives.

I can now see how selfish this line of thinking is.  My children love me.  I know this now.  Perhaps having half of them grown and out on their own has helped me see that love is not reserved for a specific day.  It just is.
This year, 13 years later, I will celebrate mother's day knowing all six of my children love me.  Wherever they are, some celebrating with their mothers or grandmothers, I know they love me.  I do not need them in front of me to have assurance of our relationship anymore.

This year, I celebrate my four children whom I did not birth.  They have stood by my side and watched me screw up horribly as a parent.  If there is a check list for what NOT to do, they experienced me doing it and the pain my mistakes caused.  While I have apologized face-to-face for my mistakes and yes, I would do things differently if I could, I can't and knowing that means moving on and being the kind of parent I want to be today.

I love my children.  I love all six of my children.  I have a different and unique relationship with each one.  My interactions with them all vary to the person they are and our personal relationship.  There are different bonds between us but they are bonds regardless of their variety.

I became a moma in 2002.  I am blessed beyond all measure for the six children I have.  They all call me different names (some not always nice, I know) but they are mine and I love them.

This mother's day, I celebrate ALL women who love and care for our youth.  This journey is pain-filled and people are hurtful and cruel with their thoughtless words; I am so sorry.  I, too, have been on the receiving end of them and it sucks.  You are loved.  You are important.  You are valued.  Never forget that.

#nottheevilstepmom #nothankstoDisney

New Year ~ 2015 ~

Whatever goals I set in 2014 were sidelined when I returned to school full-time in February.  Since then, my "job" has been being a student!  I had two weeks off in the summer and one of those weeks was spent at Kids Camp.  My Christmas break just ended and it was the first time since I started classes that I had two weeks off in a row while home.  IT WAS WONDERFUL!  While I love learning and my on-line classes, I forgot how much I missed focusing on my family, hanging out with them, and reading for the sake of pleasure/escape.  I am now "back at it" but am looking forward to a lighter load this semester. 

New Years was spent in McCall relaxing and playing games with my family.  For the fifth year now, we have left the regular life and escaped to the mountains to get away and spend time with each other.  I am so glad my parents are able to join us for these getaways and the memories we make will be with us forever.  This year, we taught the little boys how to play Rook.  They are now hooked and I look forward to more evenings spent playing this OLD card game.

Time keeps passing and my DH and I are looking forward to our sabbatical next week on the Oregon Coast.  While I will still have my school work and he will still need to check in on his work, we know God is going to use this time to speak to us individually and during our times as a couple.  We are still seeking His will on our future plans but have peace about the unknowns (so far). 

I would like to say that I will be better about posting here but all I can say is I will try and post more often.  While in classes, it is hard for me to think of sitting here at the computer more than I am and I do not want to bore you with my scholarly posts that I am pondering for school.  Hopefully, I can find a nice balance.

I came close to recording 1,000 gifts but fell short at 930.  Perhaps 2015 is the year I count 1,000 gifts. 

Until then, here is to a year seeking God, growing spiritually, and continuing life-long goals of:

• Continuing Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University baby steps. 
• Spanish - still need immerse myself in the language but am waiting for God to open those doors.
• Living in a way that brings glory to God in my actions, possessions, and life. 

There are some exciting things happening this year!  To God be the glory! 

Easter 2014

We completed the #LentChallenge and read the entire New Testament during Lent.  It was AMAZING!  The kids loved the time and the accomplishment because they know it was hard and took effort and they feel good about persevering through. 

Resurrection Sunday dawned bright and sunny with three baby chicks hatching that day.  Life.  Miracles.  Wonder and amazement replace unknowns and hows.

The message was one of grace.  Undeserving grace.  Gifts.  Gifts given though they were not earned.  Reminders of the greatest day in history, death defeated, we are set free!

I can't help but think back on past Easter Sundays and found some pictures in the archives.

2007

2008

2008

 

2011



2012

My Tough Guys

My sweeties!

Daddy-Daughter

 

I miss all my children being home but 4/6 is a blessing I am counting!  While we didn't get any pictures of all of, here is a darling picture of our grand baby!



It was a good day.  I love my family time.  I love just being together and enjoying our company.  We are fortunate to live near enough to spend special days together. 

Happy Birthday, Joy!

I have one Birthday wish, if you haven't bought at least ONE thing from one of the catalogs, would you please do so today?  I'm still trying to raise $100 for Compassion International.  I have raised $14.  There's a $4 option at Compassion or a $5 option with EFM. 

That's it.  Then just leave a comment (anonymous is fine and dandy) so I can track how much has come through my blog.

Thank you.  Really.  I can't think of a better birthday gift than one of these. 

Now, I'm off to spend the morning with my college-age daughter, lunch with my moma and 5 year-old son, afternoon with my children, an evening with my moma at a Christmas party and the grand finale will be a late movie with both of my daughters!  (DH is taking me out on Sat!)

Thanks, son for getting me a Compassion gift to feed a baby and its mommy for a whole month. 

Your heart is so big!
You show me what #itsaboutgiving is like every day!

Trimming the Tree

~ 2007 ~ 
(click the year for post)

~ 2008 ~

(click the year for post)

~ 2009 ~

The last year we had Troy and Brady here decorating the tree:

~ 2010 ~
Our first year with Porscha joining us!

~ 2011 ~

It was so special having our granddaughter here for her first tree decorating time.  One son wasn't here and we sure do miss him!  My nephew who has decorated many a tree with us wasn't able to make it either. 

We ended the evening with new Christmas mugs and homeade hot cocoa!  The boys got new jammies to wear this month - aren't they cute?!  Miss M (granddaughter) got a new little outfit and I can't wait to see her in it. 

I love December.  Can't wait for Thursday!!!

Simple Gifts

Happy Thanksgiving!

Attitude of Gratitude

Last year Paco learned a song at school called "An Attitude of Gratitude." Its lyrics say how an attitude of gratitude is pleasing to the Lord. I can't help but think of this song today.

As the turkey is roasting, the sweet potatoes are mashed and the cranberry orange sauce is made, I am grateful.

Grateful for... a warm home. I don't say this lightly, either. I cried when the news devoted a whole section to the care of pets "in these terribly cold conditions" and how they brought in portable heaters to keep the temperature at 60 degrees when the power went out at the pound.... and the images I saw through my tears were of moma's and their children freezing in their car because they don't have a home.... men and women huddled up trying to stay alive...little ones crying because they are hungry and cold. And I was angry at our news. Then I thought of our service men and women recently deployed - in terrible war conditions and we are educating people how to care for their pets in the winter on our 10:00 news.

I'm grateful for healthy children... I didn't realize how rarely we were sick until Paco had a terrible fever the other day and we didn't know why! Still don't. But I realized how often others are ill and I'm so thankful for our health.

I'm grateful for my children. I miss them this year. Half of them won't be here and it's just not the same at all.

I'm grateful for a husband who loves me and I him. I'm grateful for our marriage.

The turkey is done - what are you grateful for this year?

Happy Spring

Happy Spring!

Lots is happening right now. Life, in general but mostly end-of-the-school year functions. There is something happening every night right now.

That may be your life, too.

What is new? I'm going to learn to sew! Really! This has been on my "want" list for a couple years now but hasn't happened. I've bought the material(s) and my new friend, Anna, is going to work with me each week this summer! YAY!

Gardening ~ The garden is worked up and while I'm sure it should be planted now, I just haven't had the motivation to get out there in this blasted wind. So, plants are ready to go in the ground, my organic seeds and plants arrive next Friday and with the help of my Daddy-O, we're going to do this thing!

Party-Planning! Plans are underway for a big hoorah for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. I'll really hit the pavement with this the first week of June. I'm so excited to see friends and family from near and far.

Mexico ~ Mel's trip to Mexico is a go and she's very excited. We're still fundraising and praying for her financial support. She'll get to spend 3 weeks just talking with people, helping with VBS and whatever else needs done.

Life is hard but God is good. Never forget that.

Javanese - revisted.

Nothing welcomes the new year in better than my family around
Javanese. I told you about it here in 2008.

What else today? Besides full bellies, naps!

Happy New Year, all!

What's milling around in my mind for here? Well, I want to discuss how 2009 went and where I stand with those priorities... how they may be changing and...

more of GG tales! Plus...

can you believe I am actually going to try and make an apron? More on that later. LOL!

"What's Good About___?"

Twins!

Last night, during our Advent readings, the activity was "What's Good About.....?" game. The point of this activity was that building one another UP is an important lesson for all of us. And can I just say how fun this was???

We started at one end of the table (Paco) and then the person to the right (Melynda) started by saying either "What's Good About Paco is......" or "What I LOVE about Paco is that....." and then one by one (all 8 of us) would go around saying something positive about that person. This took the entire meal and it was delightful! We laughed, we teared up, we laughed some more.

More and more this year I am being reminded how blessed I am, how blessed our little family is. We have love and we have each other. It doesn't get any better than this. And I mean that.

Season Your Giving

We have begun the second week of Advent. What exactly does that mean? As with most things, it means different things to different people. Since this is my blog and I'm the author, you get to know what it means to me - this year.

Giving with the generosity of Christ is this week's focus. I have a nifty little helper, the Seasoning the Season Advent Calendar. They have different ones but this is the one I have; thus the one I am using.

Last week's focus was "Greet others with expressions of God's love." It was fun hearing different things we can say to both strangers and friends. My new favorite is

JOYOUS NOEL!

Yesterday we had a very interactive conversation on gift giving and receiving. Here is a recap:

Q: Tell about a favorite gift you received at Christmastime. Why was it special to you?

A. 1. My Bible - I like how it has places to help me live today - it makes me want to read it more. 2. Gold-Toe Socks - they're really nice and feel good on my feet. 3. The huge blue bag with my name on it. (#2 says, "Yeah, that's one of my favorite's too.) Why? It's mine. 4. The year I got the gift of time. That was so special. 5. The nice pajamas and robe set - they were so warm and snugly. All - whatever it was, it made me feel loved and special.

Q. What kinds of gifts trivialize the act of gift-giving? Which of these are most difficult to avoid?

A. The gifts that you know someone just bought because it was cheap and no thought was put it to it. It's hard to avoid these because "I" don't have any money and it's easy to buy in mass and just hand it out.

Q. How do you choose gifts for those on your list? How you can better season them with the meaning of God's greatest Gift to the world? What kinds of meaningful, small gifts might appeal to those with whom you might exchange presents?

A. I don't' want to bore you, but this was a great exercise! It was interesting to hear that they like to give non-practical gifts but like to receive things they'll really use... they liked the effect opening the gift brings - delight, surprise, tears, smiles... they want to see your reaction and see if it matches what they wanted it to be.

We discussed which gifts makes us feel loved and how we can continue to show that love to each other with each gift we buy, make or bake!

To give with the generosity of Christ, James Lundeen says,

Giving to the poor is not something we have to do because that's the way things work in the kingdom, whether we like it or not. The commandment to care for others was not meant to be a burden. Jesus, who always talked about blessings, commanded us to care for our neighbors because it was a blessing to us as well.

Something to Look Forward To...

...but not in the near future. More like the far far far far future. I'd prefer never but life doesn't happen that way.

We have a long-time friend who has been a skilled painter the entire time I've known her. My Mom has had her paint antique saws, high chairs and chairs for our family. One year, my Mom was able to get these gorgeous hand-painted Christmas balls from her. There are 4 of them and there are 4 of us kids (my 3 bros and me). It's a known fact amongst us that someday, these delicate ornaments will belong to each of us. That will obviously be a very sad year because that will mean my parents won't be here to celebrate with us.... that being said, let's take a look at these beauties!

We are blessed to have many wonderful friends in our lives. Joyce is just extra special. I can't wait to see her on Sunday!

Childhood Memories

This sweet Merry Christmas ornament was given to me by my 5th grade teacher. I think of him at least once a year when I decorate our tree. He's the reason I have nice penmanship!

This little gal was given to me in 1981 for my "ornament of the year." I have carried this tradition on and each of our children gets an ornament each year. The tradition has been that when they are married, they will get all their ornaments for their 1st Christmas.

This home-made wreath is one of MANY just like it. The year my mother was pregnant with me she decided to have a "themed tree" and made a gazzillion of these little buggers. Something to do with pregnancy induced sanity, I'm sure. No matter, I have a bin of them and one gets hung each year in both her and my honor as I was born 5 days before we celebrate Christ's birth!

Our stockings are hung by the chimney with care, we've decked the halls and Christmas music is playing loudly from the speakers. Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Happy Mother's Day

In My Daughter's Eyes

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero

I am strong and wise and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to seeShe was sent to rescue me

I see who I wanna beIn my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal

Darkness turns to light and theworld is at peace

This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak

I find reason to believe In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her handaround my finger

Oh it puts a smile in my heart

Everything becomes a little clearer

I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough

It's giving more when you feel like giving up

I've seen the light It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future

A reflection of who I am and what will be

Though she'll grow and someday leaveMaybe raise a family

When I'm gone I hope you see how happyshe made me

For I'll be thereIn my daughter's eyes

and, for fun, my new favorite: THE MOM SONG.

and my wish for my children.

Good Friday

Happy Spring! Happy Easter!

Shyanne intent on the exact color

Paco a tad annoyed at me and my camera:

The big sister a tad worried at Paco's coloring ability

Happy Melynda

Javi coloring for the first time.
Reminder to self - don't let him suck the color off the eggs.
Bad Mommy! Thankfully, they're non-toxic!!!

"Yes, Moma?"

Kids a colorin'

Paco eating one of his eggsEveryone gets hungry after awhile
One can color eggs only so long before....

Day 10: Hang your laundry. Your clothes dryer is one of the most energy-consuming appliances in your house. Try hanging your clothes on lines or racks outside (they'll smell great) or inside!

DH, this really is a desire of mine. How 'bout that clothes line? Mother's Day is coming up...

What's Been Happening

My big boys came home from college and we enjoyed having them around. It's so much fun to cook for big eaters. They were very busy and rarely here but when they were, meal time was great!

We had a White Christmas and that has been wonderful!

For the past month I have been in the kitchen making things I don't make year around... here's a peek at what I've done:

Cranberry Sauce made with all but one organic ingredients! I didn't have organic orange juice but everything else was organic and that excited me! I made it for Christmas Day and it was delicious! And I want to say it was SO easy and fast!!!

You saw my post on this day and here's a real life picture of how that turned out.

Here's my brother, devouring one of my little morsels.

The week of Christmas was a blast! On the 23rd we had DH's family over and I made pozole. It's the most delicious Mexican sopa ever! Okay, that's my opinion. But man alive is it good! And they all thought so too, because there was NONE left!

Christmas Eve my whole family went to the Candlelight Service at church. It was so awesome this year because it was bilingual! See a clip of our service here! I sang "Mary Did You Know" and then my brother Larry and I had a duet of "The Babe in the Manger."

From service, we came to my home where we had our traditional Clam Chowder and Oyster Stew. All of us but my nephew Tyler and his little family were here. We really missed him. His little girl is so cute and it just older than Javier by 6 months. We opened gifts first this year, after our traditional story time, and then we ate!

Christmas morning was my little family's time to open our gifts and share in the excitement of Jesus being born! We read a chapter from Max Lucado's book, God Came Near. I shared some questions to Mary with you on Chirstmas Eve.

From there, our older kids went to other places for the day; we went to my parents home. I made the cranberry sauce and sweet potatoes, organic. We had a restful day of just being in one place, hanging out, napping, visiting, eating and watching a movie.

I pray you had a blessed Christmas and are ready for 2009. I am working on what, if any, my resolutions are going to be. I have some goals and Roy and I are working on how we can make some changes in our lives. So, stay tuned!

New Years Day is Goose Hunting!

We started 2009 off with a BANG! While it was still dark outside, Paco joined his Daddy, Granddad, Uncle Larry, Uncle Mahlon and cousins Erik and Brady for the annual New Year's Day goose hunting expedition!

Paco spent the night with my parents and Dad said that when he woke him this morning with the words, "Do you want to go goose hunting?" The kid bounded out of bed like he had been touched by the hot shot!!!

Here is our little hunter, all decked out in his Cabelas camo:


Is he just not the cutest little hunter you've ever seen?

Paco and his new gun, ready to go get him a goose!

I don't know why Cabelas isn't calling and asking me to use this in their next catolog. The kid is a walking Cabelas ad:Here they are in the field. Can't see them? Good! That's the idea.

My little hunter just came home, all by himself. He made it 2 hours sitting in the cold rain in a muddy field. He's warming his insides with hot cocoa and is excited that we've already got 2 geese.

Tonight, we will have our annual Javanese; which we do on New Year's. I can't wait!

The Rock

How fitting for a Nativity to be carved in stone. This is from my mother-in-law. It's on my shelf and I love having a verse to read when I stand in front of it.

Yes, I walk around and stand in front of my Nativity Scenes. I'm drawn to them.

Are you?

Merry Christmas! By the way, baby Jesus is now resting in his manger. It's perfect.