Friday, January 13, 2012

Conversations in the Tub

Growing up, we had one of these awesome claw foot bath tubs.  I loved it.  As a child, it was deep enough that I could play and not make a terrible mess even if one of my friends was in there with me!  As I grew older, it was deep enough to really soak in and enjoy taking a bath.  Ours was inside our home but I have to tell you, I have dreams of having one outside...

As a child, when my Mom was bathing, I would come in, sit on the toilet lid and we'd talk.  I remember walking in on my Mom on many occasions while she was bathing and we would visit about who knows what. 

This happened all of my growing up years.  She never made me feel weird or intrusive or interupting her bath.  Is it because I am her only daughter?  Is it because after three boys she didn't know that other people didn't do that? 

Why am I thinking of this now? 

Why did I feel this was the best time to talk to her about really important things?  Maybe because if I was going to be vulnerable asking, she was vulnerable sitting there in the tub.  Subconsiously did I need to level the field a little?  As a teen, did talking to my Mom while she was in the tub give me the courage to talk about things I might not have been courageous enough if we were both clothed in the kitchen?  Perhaps.

Why I am thinking of this now?

As I took a long bath last night, I locked the door.  I locked my girls out of an opportunity that was never off-limits to me.  I didn't think of it while I locked the door but as I sat in the tub, soaking in the hot blissful bubbles, I thought of it.  As I heard the girls talking outside my door, through the door, I thought of it.  And honestly, it made me a little sad. 

If it's my body I'm self-conscious about, add more bubbles!  Maybe if they saw me more confident and not caring they'd be more confident in their own skin and not cower and cover when forced to change in front of each other.  In front of me.

Needless to say, I've been doing some serious thinking.  My Mom isn't perfect but she sure has done lots of things right and set an example for me to follow on how to be a moma.  I just have to follow more closely.

So, here's a question for you mamma's with daughters: "Did or do you let your daughter come in while you are bathing or showering or do you lock the door?"  If you lock the door, what was the most frequent time your daughter came to you about important, maybe sensitive, things?  When did she see you as vulnerable if outside the tub?

Maybe, if I get my outdoor clawfoot tub fixed up, I can create a safe place for us girls to visit.  Just thinking....


  1. Anonymous10:15 AM

    My daughter, while only 2, loves to come in and "chat" in the kitchen and when SHE's in the tub! So, she's not too much help on your questions...As for me and my mother, our conversations always happened in the kitchen or at bedtime, or sometimes in the middle of doing a project together (like handwork or sewing). I say, it's not necessarily the setting, but how noisy or quiet life is in the moments. It might be you sought your mom at the tub for serious conversations because that's when her life was quiet enough for you to honestly talk and have her full attention in a busy life! :-) Just create quiet moments for each kid, and the conversations will happen (I hope!).
    Cristie Ross

  2. Thanks, Cristie. I'm sure you're correct in that I just need to create more of these types of moments and hopefully don't have be naked for it to happen! LOL Appreciate your feedback.

  3. Anonymous11:47 PM

    It's so hard! I realize all of the time that i have a kid BEGGING for even a brief moment of me concentrating on just THEM, nothing else. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about... :-) Good luck, and may your outside tub be a hot tub...with claw feet... :-)


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