After a wonderful evening out with a great group of ladies, I came home last night with a heavy heart. I found out that my first "real" boyfriend, meaning I could date at 16 boyfriend, was lost. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. Emotionally. He is lost to meth. And I'm so sorry.
And then I found out this morning that one of my very best friends relapsed last night. And I hurt. And I'm so sorry.
So, I got out my Daily Reflections book. It's a book of reflections by A.A. members for A.A. members. Here is today's reading:
The deception of others is nearly always rooted in thedeception of ourselves. . . . When we are honest withanother person, it confirms that we have been honestwith ourselves and with God. AS BILL SEES IT, p. 17
When I was drinking, I deceived myself about reality,rewriting it to what I wanted it to be. Deceiving othersis a character defect--even if it is just stretching the truth a bit or cleaning up my motives so others would think well of me. My Higher Power can remove this character defect, but first I have to help myself become willing to receive that help by not practicing deception. I need to remember each day that deceiving myself about myself is setting myself up for failure or disappointment in life and in Alcoholics Anonymous. A close, honest relationship with a Higher Power is the only solid foundation I've found for honesty with self and with others.
And I can't help but think; "There but for the grace of God; go I." I looked up what it means in the idiom dictionary: something that you say which means something bad that has happened to someone else could have happened to you.
The first of the Twelve Steps is: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable. Then there are 10 steps in the middle before reaching number 12. Having had a spirtitual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
A.A. or N.A. are tools and lifelines for those struggling with an addiction. Today I hurt for my friends and family fighting their addictions. And I am reminded how quickly I could fall. Without warning, the devil is waiting, buying his time to swoop in and attack. Six years ago I took the steps and God, MY Higher Power, led me to believe that He could restore me to sanity. (Step 2) and that I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. (Step 3)
I'll close with what I need to hear today. Taken from the chapter, "Acceptance Was The Answer" page 11.
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems. today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation---some fact of my life---unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake..." (From the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book
Pp 417. A. A. World Service, 2001, N. Y. )
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and Wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine, be done.